Shopping spree and more goodbyes

Yesterday Michael and I took a couple of hours out of packing to do some shopping for those things we had wanted all year...like a wooden tea tray, more tea, paintings, and some little gifts for family and friends. And I went to the fitting for my qipao -- you may know the Cantonese for it : cheongsam -- which is my reward to myself for losing a fairly substantial amount of weight this year...hope I can keep it off when I go back to the land of the minivan....

We are getting calls and emails all the time now from friends who want to take us out for goodbye dinners..we called out dear friend Tian for a last trip to the patio noodle restaurant before Tropical Storm Fengshen blows in 5 days of rain for our final week here (at least it was downgraded from a typhoon since its was originally expected to come right through the Taiwan straits...)

Tian is like family....I can't even fully explain it. The kids nicknamed him Uncle Tian back in Beijing in August (he is the guy that Xiada sent to escort us to Xiamen). He just fits with our family perfectly -- is friends with each of us in our own way. We can talk about anything with him and get an interesting and thoughtful answer, plus he is very funny. I am trying to convince him to aim for grad school in the US, but what I really want is for him to move into the guest room so we can keep him...it was supposed to be our farewell dinner, but he said..you are still here for 4 days -- I will see you again before you go.

Same for Vivian, Huan Huan's tutor. She came last night for her last visit, but now we are having dinner on Friday! Huan Huan is quite close to her, and I really think of her as a role model for her. Last night we practiced what Helen will say if she is asked to speak up at the graduation. Not sure if that will be expected, but I wanted her to be ready. Here is what they planned: "Wo shi Huan Huan xiao peng you. Xie Xie laoshi. Xie xie xiao peng you. Wo ai nimen. Huan ying dao Meiguo lai" 卧是欢欢小朋友。谢谢老师。谢谢小朋友.我爱你们.欢迎到美国来! (I am Little Friend Huan Huan. Thank you teachers and little friends. I love you all. You are welcome to come to America!)

This is getting harder and harder. I am tearful at least several times a day, which is embarrassing, but not unexpected to those of you who know me and what a weepy mess I can be. I was contemplating some words that one of my priest friends from undergrad days used to quote... "Fall in love with the world, and it will change everything." We let ourselves fall in love with this little corner of the world, and now leaving it is like a little death. Maybe we will return some day, probably keep in touch with many folks, but this life that we have lived here will be lost to us and that moves me to sadness. But I am also so delighted that it worked....we had a dream and now it has come to completion, and I am grateful that God has been so good to us!

Part of the weepy mess is also the even greater loss that is waiting over the coming weeks. While I would love to make these final weeks last, and I am going through the days quite deliberately, I am always thinking about my mom and dad and wanting to rush back as soon as possible so as not to miss any more of my mom's final days. I think there is a lot of peace there for my family, too -- we are too religious not to be able to see the joy in deliverance from suffering--but it will be very, very hard to let her go.